Real Women...Real Stories

Stephanie Dennis

WAITING ON GOD

 

My life is a story of how God’s grace is all-sufficient and how His timing is perfect. It is a story of unimaginable blessings that flow when we are willing to wait and trust Him. I was born and raised in England. I had some church experience growing up, but my world-view was very secular. When I was twenty-seven, the Lord pursued me. As I responded, allowing Him to shape my life, I experienced several major transitions in the space of a few years.

I came to America as a student. Within four months of being in the States, I married my husband, who is much older than I am. I gave my life to Jesus. Nine months after marrying we moved to the South, which was like another country compared to the East Coast where we had been living. I swapped a career for the twenty-four-hour permanent responsibility of being a mom with two children fifteen months apart. I had very little experience with babies or children and no network of support.

Making sense of these changes was not easy. I love being married to my husband. We have a fairytale relationship, but for three years I struggled with loneliness and depression. Tearfully I asked God why He had ripped me from the love, acceptance, and belonging with my family and friends in England. I was surrounded with folks who were friendly, and yet I found it hard to make friends. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t they love me? What could I do to fit in, to be like them, and make them like me? Wasn’t I a nice person? Wasn’t I worthy of love?

It was also confusing that throughout this time God continually convicted me that I was exactly where He wanted me to be. In a way, this was comforting. In another way, it was extremely frustrating—if I could just get God to see my point of view, right? How long would I have to wait? Surely my suggestions to “fix” the situation as soon as possible were reasonable. But it was His grace that gave me what I needed, not what I wanted. He had the whole situation under control if I would just trust and learn what He was trying to teach me.

After three years of struggling to find a place where I belonged, it seemed like the Lord lifted me out “the desert.” As my children matured, I found little “pockets of sanity” where I could read the Bible and pray. I attended Bible studies and community groups. He gave me a friend, now a beloved friend, with a gift for encouragement. She invited me to attend women’s events at Fellowship.

My faith deepened as I began to know the one who made me better. I allowed the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me. I drew confidence and strength from Christ as I looked to Him for love and acceptance instead of friends. And of course, as the author of love, He is the only one who will ever truly love and accept me anyway. I experienced freedom from being enslaved to the approval of others as I received abundant love, mercy, and grace from my Father in heaven! In keeping with His will and perfect timing, He has given me women with whom I have strong affinities and bonds. Now through the lens of a more mature faith, I see He didn’t just give me friends; He gave me sisters in the Lord! Together we walk in His Spirit, encourage each other, share our struggles and victories, and pray together in faith. I appreciate these relationships not because they give me my fix of love and acceptance, but because they are God’s provision as we seek to become more like Him.

As I look back upon that “desert” period, I am thankful for the trust and faith God grew in me, and for the complete security of my identity when it is placed in His hands. I see the importance of allowing Him to lead and define my relationships. I look to encourage others in a deeper walk with the Lord. I am better able to put others first in my relationships, because I am not looking to them so much to fulfill my own needs. I am better able to hear and obey His call to serve as my fears decrease about what “others think.” I can enjoy relationships without making them an idol.

What a profound blessing to know that I am okay. God loves and accepts me. He forgives me. It is still hard to get my head around this sometimes, but I am growing in this knowledge that sets me free. I have found a home and a place where I do indeed belong in His Kingdom. Best of all, it is not based on any earthly circumstance or relationship, but on my faith in Christ. And it can never be taken away. Now that was worth waiting for.